Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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