you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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