If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
meet me or not, i'm out of control
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
