What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
