You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
