Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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