I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
no. you can't hotbox the world.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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