are you so shy because you have an std?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
