Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
