I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
