her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
