Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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