So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Randomize
