Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Floor bacon is actually really good
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
