At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
