In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
