I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
