grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
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