My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I think we might need a safe word for this...
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
