I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I party with great urgency now.
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