the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
