This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
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