Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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