before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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