All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
