please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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