brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
