Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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