If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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