Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every concussion has its silver lining
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Help. Why am I so naked?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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