In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
