Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
