I'm so fucking centered right now
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
