5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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