so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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