Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
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