When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
