how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
