I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Did I show you my penis last night?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Randomize
