I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
