All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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