Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
