Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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