she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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