May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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