Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
