you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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