How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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