he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize