I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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