therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
