I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Randomize
