my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
