so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I supernannyed him into submission
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
