I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
