There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
