No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Randomize
