I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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