she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
