btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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