omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
