I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
