i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
