butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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