Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
