I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
