Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
