"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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