Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
